Way back at the dawn of time when I was working my way through college, I worked for Longs Drugs. One thing I did which ended up being a rite of passage for new employees is I would crank call the store to ask embarrassing questions. I have a talent for impressions and accents so no one ever discovered it was me unless I told them afterward. One night a few of us were in the warehouse and a new guy was on the register. I get out my cell phone and call the store number. "Thank you for calling Longs Drugs, this is Jordan, how may I help you?" My regular speaking voice is low and kind of monotone so I raise the pitch an octave or two and say in my best Brooklyn accent, "Heeey, what's up there chief? I gotta question for youse. How many magnum sized condoms you got on the shelf right now?" I had to cup the phone in my hand to keep him from hearing the other guys laughing.
Jordan sort of laughs uncomfortably and puts me on hold. Sure enough, the page goes out: "Customer service call on line one please for... for... OTC products." One of the shift managers picks up. "Hey, how ya doing pal? I think I made that kid on the register feel weird so maybe you can help a guy out. How many magnum sized condoms you got?" He puts me on hold, comes back, and says we have three boxes out on the shelf. "Hey, dat's great! Listen, could you put one on hold for me? I'll be in to pick it up later." He says he can do that, and asks for my name. I don't know where it came from but I said, "Levinson. Mark Levinson! My friends call me Beefy though cuz I'm kind of a big guy, know what I'm sayin'? Thanks a lot pal. You the store manager? No? Well, I'll call again some time and tell him I appreciate this good customer service. What's your name? Thanks again!"
There you have it. Until now, only myself and a handful of coworkers knew the story behind the name. And no, I'm not a beefy guy but a tall, thin, blond haired blue eyed German-Norwegian-English mutt
