What's new

TESTYOURWRITE! My opinion essay (Feedback please)

CJKRattlehead

Two men enter, one man leaves!
The following is an opinion essay i'm writing about the influence of video games, and as you can probably tell i take them very seriously, so i would like to defend them to the best of my ability.

My Essay

Video games are a great way to relax, kill time, or kick back with friends and have fun, but what effect do they have on the minds of their consumers?

In early November of this year, PETA called out Nintendo for the inclusion of the tanooki suit power-up in Super Mario 3D land, which grants mario the ability to glide across the stage.

PETA stated "Tanooki may be just a 'suit' in Mario games, but in real life Tanuki are racoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur." Although PETA does have a history of exaggerating their point to an extreme which has clearly effected public opinion of them.

On August 2nd of 2004, Stefan Pakeerah of Leicester, a city in England, was murdered in a local park by seventeen year-old Warren Le Blanc. When asked about the incident he told the police "I didn't intend to kill him at first, but when i saw the blood i just let go and kept hitting."

How is this even remotely related to video games? Well Pakeerah was beated to death and stabbed with a claw hammer, a weapon commonly used in the popular stealth horror game Manhunt, developed by Rockstar North.

Pakeerah's parents hired Miami lawyer Jack Thomas, an anti-violence in entertainment activist who had sent a warning prior to the murder stating that "The behavior portrayed in Manhunt would inspire copycats." He also said Sony should be held responsible for allowing the game on their platform.

That angers me personally. Don't read to much into these metaphors but let's say someone was busted for the possession of heroine. Would you also place charges on the manufacturers of the syringes? Are companies that produce paper responsible for every joint rolled using their brand? Then why is Sony to blame for a mentally un-balanced kid slaughtering someone with a hammer?

A quote from the early 2000s horror movie Scream comes to mind, When the ghostface killers are establishing an alibi for the murders that involves one stabbing the other, Cindy says "You watch too many movies." One of the killers comes back with "No Cid, don't blame the movies. Movies don't create killers, movies make killers more creative."

I believe the same can be said about video games and electronic entertainment in general. If video games influence you to the point of murder, get help and leave games and their developers alone.
 

aj1701

Noob
I think the biggest thing is that there's not a single credible study done showing games have any real impact. I believe parents still have the most influence over their kids, more than any kind of media. I do believe there was a study basically saying that too.

The biggest evidence though is my generation, gen x. In our 30s now, and we grew up playing Wolfenstein, Doom, MK and lots of others. And we all function in society just fine. Games don't make people crazy, crazy people with no good grip on reality warp them to their own end. I think the same has been said about every new media... when the first printed books started being published, they said books would lead to the moral decline and end of society. Damn I really wish I kept links to this stuff :(
 
I don't mean to be rude but this looks like an essay that an 8th grader would write. Half of it consists of question which would be an F in my class.
 

Faded Dreams V

Retired June 2012. Unretired June 2013.
I played that Mario-based Tanooki game PETA made. Man, I respect what they stand for, but the things they do really makes them lose credibility; they never fail to hurt their image.
 
Pakeerah's parents hired Miami lawyer Jack Thomas, an anti-violence in entertainment activist who had sent a warning prior to the murder stating that "The behavior portrayed in Manhunt would inspire copycats." He also said Sony should be held responsible for allowing the game on their platform.

Take this short pargraph as an example. You have a good point with detriment facts, Thomas said that Sony should be responsible.

But..........that's all you're saying.............

Who cares?

Analyze what is going on, give reasons why this phrase from the lawyer is important, what impact does it have on video games, how does this sentence induce the reader to be convinced of your side?

Just some quick tips if you don't take English class seriously and you want an easy A (considering you're in a college preparatory class, not advanced placement). Any words you feel are simple, hit them up at dictionary.com --->Thesaurus, and change them to high class words. EZ.