Big Pampering
Noob
My girlfriend broke up with me after 1 year. When she broke up with me, she said she was too sad about what had happened and she wouldn't get better. . She meant everything to me and she felt the same way about me. She still wanted to be with me and when I asked her if she would ever want to be with me again, she immediately said yes.
I first want to lay out the problems we had in our relationship ( which a lot of them were caused by me).
- space and trust: When we first started dating I heard story from my friends that she was kinda wild when she went abroad as an exchange student. This is something that bothered me a little, but I still wanted to date her. She was the one who liked me first and after my birthday party back then, I brought her home and then asked her out. At the beginning of the relationship she would text a particular guy a lot, a lot than me. If she opened her phone that guys face would show up. Another guy would also text her every now and then and she told me it was someone she knew from skating. After a while she told me about stuff that she dealt with in the past and it turned out that skating guy was her ex. This is an example of things she would hide from me and lie about. This caused me to not trust her completely and not give her enough space sometimes, because I asked a lot of attention from her.
- A second problem was that there was one time an argument got so heated, I told her I hated her. meant 0% of it and she knows this and I apologized for it. Still doesn't mean I hurt her and she couldn't forget about this.
In another argument we had I got so angry I pointed at her while arguing and I hit the bed. This got her intimidated, but getting violent with her wasn't even on my mind. I would never be like that. She means everything to me. These are things she can't forget about. I know some people might think that words like I hate you don't mean that much in a fight, but it hurt her a lot and people are different and it broke her heart.
- Her parents and me didn't get along. I am not a shy guy by definition, but there are people I do get along with and some people I don't get along with. And with the people I don't get along with it is really hard to communicate with. They have 6 dogs and I am just not a fan of dogs. Especially when I got bit by one when I was 4 years old. Her parents lives are all about dogs and doing things with dogs. So we really had nothing to talk about. Her mom would complain that me and my gf would just be in her room all the time and that it would be nice if we sat in the living room for an hour sometimes. The problem we did this, we would sit in the living room for 2 hours everytime and it still wasn't was enough for my stepmother, because with an hour, she really meant half a day. She couldn't accept the fact that I came by for her daughter and not for them. Then her mom got involved when me and my gf had a fight and things got really heated. We still gave it a chance after that, but things were really bad.
1,5 month after this big fight I tried really hard, but we still fought. Not heated fights, but we kept fighting about stuff she or I did. She tried to be happy, but it didn't work. She dropped the line: the one who broke you heart can't heal you. I said that isnt true and that it depends on the situation, because I was willing to change. Especially after 2 days she broke up with me, I did a lot of thinking and realised a lot of mistakes I made.
Its been almost a week since we broke up and I texted her the day after we broke up if she was okay and she said she didn't want to talk about it. I told her I hoped she would be doing better and she told me that was sweet.
3 days after the breakup she asked me if it was weird if she just wanted to talk. I told her it was fine if that was what she wanted. The conversation happened on whatsapp and it was about random stuff and not about the relationship. It was a positive conversation.
Yesterday I told her about the things I had done and that I realised I wasn't being grateful and that I realised that now and I thanked her for all she had done for me. She told me she was relieved and that it was really nice to hear this from me.
I also invited her for friday to dinner with my friends (mutual friends) and she liked the idea and she would think about it.
So TYM, I was an active member of this community and website for 4 years and went away last year. This is the only place I can go apart from my real life friends who may be too close to the problem to be objective about it. I am at a loss and need all the advice and help I can have. I hope some of you can help me with this.
@Pig Of The Hut I know youre a married man, I know this is a really long write up, but I also know that you have helped a lot of people in this community and do take the effort to help people.
I don't know who else to tag @Slips @coolwhip @A F0xy Grampa
I first want to lay out the problems we had in our relationship ( which a lot of them were caused by me).
- space and trust: When we first started dating I heard story from my friends that she was kinda wild when she went abroad as an exchange student. This is something that bothered me a little, but I still wanted to date her. She was the one who liked me first and after my birthday party back then, I brought her home and then asked her out. At the beginning of the relationship she would text a particular guy a lot, a lot than me. If she opened her phone that guys face would show up. Another guy would also text her every now and then and she told me it was someone she knew from skating. After a while she told me about stuff that she dealt with in the past and it turned out that skating guy was her ex. This is an example of things she would hide from me and lie about. This caused me to not trust her completely and not give her enough space sometimes, because I asked a lot of attention from her.
- A second problem was that there was one time an argument got so heated, I told her I hated her. meant 0% of it and she knows this and I apologized for it. Still doesn't mean I hurt her and she couldn't forget about this.
In another argument we had I got so angry I pointed at her while arguing and I hit the bed. This got her intimidated, but getting violent with her wasn't even on my mind. I would never be like that. She means everything to me. These are things she can't forget about. I know some people might think that words like I hate you don't mean that much in a fight, but it hurt her a lot and people are different and it broke her heart.
- Her parents and me didn't get along. I am not a shy guy by definition, but there are people I do get along with and some people I don't get along with. And with the people I don't get along with it is really hard to communicate with. They have 6 dogs and I am just not a fan of dogs. Especially when I got bit by one when I was 4 years old. Her parents lives are all about dogs and doing things with dogs. So we really had nothing to talk about. Her mom would complain that me and my gf would just be in her room all the time and that it would be nice if we sat in the living room for an hour sometimes. The problem we did this, we would sit in the living room for 2 hours everytime and it still wasn't was enough for my stepmother, because with an hour, she really meant half a day. She couldn't accept the fact that I came by for her daughter and not for them. Then her mom got involved when me and my gf had a fight and things got really heated. We still gave it a chance after that, but things were really bad.
1,5 month after this big fight I tried really hard, but we still fought. Not heated fights, but we kept fighting about stuff she or I did. She tried to be happy, but it didn't work. She dropped the line: the one who broke you heart can't heal you. I said that isnt true and that it depends on the situation, because I was willing to change. Especially after 2 days she broke up with me, I did a lot of thinking and realised a lot of mistakes I made.
Its been almost a week since we broke up and I texted her the day after we broke up if she was okay and she said she didn't want to talk about it. I told her I hoped she would be doing better and she told me that was sweet.
3 days after the breakup she asked me if it was weird if she just wanted to talk. I told her it was fine if that was what she wanted. The conversation happened on whatsapp and it was about random stuff and not about the relationship. It was a positive conversation.
Yesterday I told her about the things I had done and that I realised I wasn't being grateful and that I realised that now and I thanked her for all she had done for me. She told me she was relieved and that it was really nice to hear this from me.
I also invited her for friday to dinner with my friends (mutual friends) and she liked the idea and she would think about it.
So TYM, I was an active member of this community and website for 4 years and went away last year. This is the only place I can go apart from my real life friends who may be too close to the problem to be objective about it. I am at a loss and need all the advice and help I can have. I hope some of you can help me with this.
@Pig Of The Hut I know youre a married man, I know this is a really long write up, but I also know that you have helped a lot of people in this community and do take the effort to help people.
I don't know who else to tag @Slips @coolwhip @A F0xy Grampa
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