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Dealing with discouragement/negativity online

Charybdis

We are returned! Death to the False Emperor!
This might seem trivial to a lot of you guys and I guess it is, but I've been having real problems playing online in Ranked recently. Now I know what you're gonna say, "don't play randoms play guys off TYM", and I try to as much as possible. But the guys in my scene and I rarely seem to be online simultaneously due to conflicting schedules so I end up playing Ranked.

Herein lies the problem. I've practiced various martial arts for 20 years and I think the same key features in terms of mentality improvement lie in fighting games: you have to 'let go', as it were. You need to stop stressing about getting better, about beating everyone and instead focus on your game. As a coach once said to me, "outside of competition, the only person you compete with is you from yesterday. If you're better than you were, you're winning".

I think there's a lot of truth in that but I've found that that kind of mentality needs encouragement: in short, to build the confidence in yourself to not care whether you win or lose but whether you perform well, you need a structure around you wherein you get support and encouragement regardless of result: you're assured of your development, even if its only by taking a round or two when you still lose 5-0 overall. And that's there in the offline scene, but online I find it very much a grind.

Taken in isolation it doesn't really bother me, but it starts to add up I've found. When you win, you get ragequits, people screaming down the mike about how much you suck. When you lose, you get messages about how much you suck and (for some reason) teabagging which enrages me far more than it should.

You combine that with online taking the piss sometimes: for instance, I had a close match with a Raiden player earlier, his record was something like 1500-200 and he was really good. I would've had him, all I needed was a single wake up attack and I had two bars of meter but it wouldn't come out, I got trapped in the corner and Raiden is death in the corner. So all the good zoning and good choices I made and good execution against someone a lot better than me was all for naught because the online decided to fuck around with the wakeup input window (and I checked on replay in practice, I was doing the wakeup correctly: I tried 3 separate times and each one failed).

To highlight what I mean, I guess I can point to this Sub Zero player (GM naturally) I played earlier. Again, he had well over 1000 wins and clearly knew his business. I've really labbed the GM match hard with Liu and I'm reasonably happy with it so long as I can keep out of that corner. So I was doing a really good job (if I do say so myself) and was about to finish it when he wiffed a Slide under my Neutral jump and I was all ready to hit him with an NJP and an uppercut to finish when he quit. No quitality, just "lost connection" or whatever. Then he bombards me with messages, about how much I suck and how I didn't deserve the win so he quit and made sure it went down as a disconnect etc. Now again, it's not a big deal on its own and I'd usually laugh it off and stick it in the Hatemail thread but after hours of this grind it really sucked the energy and enthusiasm out of me.

To contrast it with offline or martial arts or sports, Twain once said "I can live for two months on one good compliment" and that's very true. I went to casuals on Wednesday, trying out my new KL (picking up a new character every month) and got bodied. I did okay with my Liu, but my KL got obliterated by Jaxs and D'vorahs. However, I took one game from one of the best players in the scene (GM SZ) and he sent me a message later, just saying well done, much improved etc. And it really helped yknow? I got bodied in general but there was concrete proof of me improving in general and with the character in particular, so there was no need for me to get all moribund about it because the positivity and encouragement was there. Whereas online, everyone's out for their own ego or pathetic online record and can't acknowledge anything else. I guess it's why teabagging pisses me off after a close game: it was tight, could've gone either way. I'll take the Fatality, I'll take Disco but there's something about the blatant disrespect that really drains me.

Again, I know this is pretty trivial but it's starting to loom pretty large for me. I don't consider myself as being weak willed or fragile or anything like that, in terms of academic and career performance I'm very driven and can work on my own comfortable in the knowledge that I'm improving and coming out on top without external validation. But I guess cos I'm so used to that in sports and martial arts, I associate it with all my hobbies and the total reversal of that when you play fighting games online is starting to affect me.

So I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels like this: starting to dread going online because you stress out over whether or not you win despite knowing its meaningless, dreading winning because of the shit you take and dreading losing because of the inherent feeling of losing?

Any feedback or help would be really appreciated
 
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fr stack

Noob's saibot or noob saibot's?
i usually respond with questions on how i can improve an shit it shuts them up quick enough lol, just gotta learn to live with it, online an things
 
I literally just never respond to any sort of hatemail. Also, when I lose I watch my matches back to know what I could have done better.
 

Charybdis

We are returned! Death to the False Emperor!
Long term, I know I'm improving but getting bodied repeatedly online and only hearing negativity online really starts to make me question my improvement. For instance, I don't give a single solitary shit about my online record but seeing my Ranked % going down from 71% to 65% was really disheartening, even though I know it's entirely logical because I'm playing better players now.

Thanks for the suggestions above, especially the accessibility settings @dotunderscore
 

Hitoshura

Head Cage
I don't mean to be crass, but don't play online. You avoid the cesspool of succulent rotting flesh that is the online gaming community. If you don't have a consistent offline scene then you should find a way to make it consistent.
 

Charybdis

We are returned! Death to the False Emperor!
I don't mean to be crass, but don't play online. You avoid the cesspool of succulent rotting flesh that is the online gaming community. If you don't have a consistent offline scene then you should find a way to make it consistent.
I have weekly casuals but I'm not only playing the game once weekly
 

Hitoshura

Head Cage
I have weekly casuals but I'm not only playing the game once weekly
I'd just try and meet up with some players from your locals another day a week to play. Online isn't worth it. It teaches you bad habits, matchup knowledge becomes skewed due to lag, timing for combos ruins your muscle memory for offline play, and other players personas online reek of moist fecal matter.
 

STB Shujinkydink

Burning down in flames for kicks
You have some great quotes in your write up but don't seem to be taking them. Kinda answering your own questions :)

Online to me is all about empathy. I used to love fucking with ppl who sent me hate mail but with mkx I took a different approach.

Lots of times I ask myself why ppl send these messages? Why the hate? Sometimes I think maybe there's some form of abuse in their lives and this is the only place they feel powerful and in control. Maybe they've struggled being good at something and this is one thing that's starting to click and I'm making them scared to lose and face failure again. To be contributing to someone feeling better about themselves, even if it's by calling me a spammer or saying I'm a fraud whatever is a good feeling. I like making ppl feel good. After all it is just a message from a complete stranger. I just focus on me. If I know I lost the game because of lag I take notes of everything I did right and focus on that. I can't help lag so I don't worry about it. Hopefully this post makes some sense and isn't too rambly lol
 
My scorpion of the day- flips the fuck out when I block his raw xrays, flips out when I block and punish his teleport spam, rages the entire time hes being comboed, then as soon as he pulled a lucky win after I dropped two combos due to lag- he says HA! I WIN! *the opponent has left the game*
 

Charybdis

We are returned! Death to the False Emperor!
You have some great quotes in your write up but don't seem to be taking them. Kinda answering your own questions :)

Online to me is all about empathy. I used to love fucking with ppl who sent me hate mail but with mkx I took a different approach.

Lots of times I ask myself why ppl send these messages? Why the hate? Sometimes I think maybe there's some form of abuse in their lives and this is the only place they feel powerful and in control. Maybe they've struggled being good at something and this is one thing that's starting to click and I'm making them scared to lose and face failure again. To be contributing to someone feeling better about themselves, even if it's by calling me a spammer or saying I'm a fraud whatever is a good feeling. I like making ppl feel good. After all it is just a message from a complete stranger. I just focus on me. If I know I lost the game because of lag I take notes of everything I did right and focus on that. I can't help lag so I don't worry about it. Hopefully this post makes some sense and isn't too rambly lol
Great stuff dink. Yeah, I know I should know better. I have this whole philosophy when it comes to improving at things, I've been doing it all my life but for some reason the entrenched negativity online just seems to undermine everything.
 

P3irce

Noob
I used to be worried about losing but really it's the first step to getting better.
In regards to hatemail, I'd either ignore it or ask them for tips / if they need tips.Mkx is reachin out to tons of new people who have no idea how to deal with things so they resort to calling things cheap.
And learn about your body / mind, if you feel like your getting stressed take a break for ten and grab a snack and then get back at it
 

Audit

Falls down too much
I don't mean to be crass, but don't play online. You avoid the cesspool of succulent rotting flesh that is the online gaming community. If you don't have a consistent offline scene then you should find a way to make it consistent.
That's an unfair characterization of most online players. For every 1 mic screaming asshole I've met 10 people that just want to play and grind matchups. I've even had a guy shout "You play the game too much" over and over, quit and then message me about a setup LOL. I find it very interesting that people think that online is nothing but trash talk but offline tourneys are nothing but hugs, love and handjobs. There's cock-sure elitism, pop offs and trash talk offline too.

@STB Shujinkydink said it better that I will but yeah, if that guy has a 1000-200 record and has to quit and spam hatemail at you, think about how much his life must suck for him to act that way about online ranked.

edit: all of my brackets fell apart!
 
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GLoRToR

Positive Poster!
This might seem trivial to a lot of you guys
As fellow martial artist I have five questions for you.

1. What's the difference between winning and losing?
2. Why is anger better than indifference?
3. How fast do you recognize your own anger?
4. Who are the people that matter to you, in your life?
5. Why do you fight?
 
Turn it into something fun for yourself. If you play online that much, I would make a blog with videos and attached mails to blow them up on the internet. I know I would visit that website. Manage your expectations of online behavior, it is unreasonable to expect good manners from people behind the mask of anonymity.
 
How do you mute the chat on PS4? At the moment I just mute my TV.

I don't want to listen to salty dickheads when I play. If I get a message I know will be shitty, I can ignore. With chat, it's forced on me, and quite frankly my eyes hurt from all the rolling.
 
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Charybdis

We are returned! Death to the False Emperor!
As fellow martial artist I have five questions for you.

1. What's the difference between winning and losing?
2. Why is anger better than indifference?
3. How fast do you recognize your own anger?
4. Who are the people that matter to you, in your life?
5. Why do you fight?
Ahaha okay let's do Enter the Dragon

1: It depends on the circumstances. The street v training v competition. Ultimately, it's meeting the goal you set yourself in whatever circumstance you're in. So survival in a street fight, learning in training and victory according to the institutional rules in competition

2: It's not. Anger can provide motivation in the long term but motivation borne of sheer anger burns out quickly. Moreover, anger clouds the mind and prevents you assessing the situation and your options with an objective, practical mind, forcing you to act hastily with the intention of hurting the opponent. The intention should not be to hurt, but to protect yourself. This may come about by injuring the opponent but this decision should be taken coldly and objectively, not in the heat of anger.

3: Instantaneously. I can feel it the second my brain starts to assess things with emotion instead of logic and move to cut it out as quickly as possible.

4: Me, parents, girlfriend.

5: Three reasons: to keep myself safe and guarantee my personal security in a world where that cannot be taken for granted at any time, to improve myself as both a person and a martial artist and prove to myself that I am capable of defeating opposition.

Incidentally, what's your discipline?
 
teabagging which enrages me far more than it should.
It's an incredibly dumb thing to take personally, but I do too. I think it's because I'm imagining the other player going all DSP and teabagging out of spite. It's even worse if they lose like ten games, win one, teabags and quits.
 
It's an incredibly dumb thing to take personally, but I do too. I think it's because I'm imagining the other player going all DSP and teabagging out of spite. It's even worse if they lose like ten games, win one, teabags and quits.
Maybe it was his first and only time doing it. Can't get that platinum trophy if you don't get the tea bag achievement...